Meeting the 'Rents

Somehow, Katherine had officially become friends with a demon.

When Landon had first broken into her house a few months ago, she desperately hoped that they would never appear again. But they kept visiting, and each time they seemed a little less scarier. She thought about the time that they'd rambled to her about slime molds without warning, even though she was half-certain they'd try to feed on her again. In reality, they'd seen a slime mold growing on a log and just wanted someone to talk to about it. Another time they'd explained that even though they looked like a man, they’d never really felt like one. They didn't even feel like a person sometimes — they thought of themself as an “it.” They were just Landon, they'd said, and they’d like it if Katherine thought of them as some kind of ambiguous thing instead of a man. Katherine didn't fully understand what they meant, but she couldn't deny that there wasn't anything particularly demonic about those things. She could see Landon saying them just as easily as if they were human. It was hard to fear someone like that.

Katherine was mostly enjoying their growing friendship, but it was also difficult to maintain. She had to keep it a secret from her parents, or else they'd beat her ass and wipe Landon from existence. They'd developed a system where she pretended to call Landon on the phone, and they'd “pick up” and converse with her. In reality they were lurking right behind the receiver, ready to pop out if she was home alone. Her parents thought it a little strange that she was on the phone so often lately, but most days they didn't question it.

Today was not one of those days.

Katherine was sitting in the kitchen, telling Landon her thoughts on the latest book she was reading. The telephone's cable stretched from the wall to her stool at the counter, and she absentmindedly twirled her fingers around it. “The pacing a little slow, but the main character's nice. I'm just waiting for the plot to pick up, I guess.”
“Well, why don't you just skip ahead to where the fun stuff happens?”

Katherine giggled. “That ain’t how books are meant to be read!”

“Why'd the author put those words there if not for you to read them, right?” The way Landon said that, Katherine could just hear them shrugging lazily, smug grin decorating their face. “Also, I can smell other people nearby. Are those your parents?”

Katherine frowned and lowered the phone from her ear. Her parents were standing on the other side of the counter, giving her that you're-not-in-trouble-(yet)-but-we-have-to-talk look. “I'll call you back.” She hung up and returned the phone to its perch. “Hi, Mama. Pops.”

Pops nodded. “You've been talking to this new friend a lot lately, huh?”

“Who are they? A friend from school?” Mama prodded.

“Uh, yes,” Katherine stammered.

“When're they coming over to visit? You're not hiding a boyfriend from us, are you?”

The idea of Landon being her boyfriend felt completely wrong. They'd spawned around the same year that she'd been born, but they looked and acted like they were a few years older than her. Demons aged differently, they'd explained, and they'd be the demon equivalent of a 19 or 20-year-old for a while. Besides, they weren't exactly a boy. “Not at all, ma'am. He moved away a couple months ago, so we been calling each other instead.” Katherine hoped her parents wouldn't catch on to that obvious lie.

Her father asked the next question. “What's his name?”

Katherine panicked and blurted, “Aaron.” When she thought about it, it didn't matter whether she used Landon's first name or not. Her parents didn't have the ability to track them down — they didn't have a home, or a phone number, or any sort of legal identification.

“He's Black, right? You know how them white boys are.”

“Yes, sir.” Katherine was relieved that she could answer at least one question totally honestly.

“Good. Well, you can tell Aaron that he welcome to visit if he ever in town again. Lord knows you need to start bringing friends over sooner or later,” her mother lamented.

“Yes'm,” Katherine muttered. She loved her parents, but they often delivered low blows when she least expected it. When she picked up the phone after they left, Landon let out a sympathetic whistle. Just as she'd expected, they hadn't really left. Part of being Landon's friend was accepting that they could be eavesdropping on any conversation. “Sorry about that. You know how it is.” She kept her voice low and her words vague in case her parents were listening in.

“It's okay. Are you sure me and your parents shouldn't meet? They were really curious about me, so maybe they wanna get to know me better.”

Katherine recoiled a little at that suggestion. “Of course I'm sure! They would hate you if they saw you.”

“Everybody hates me when they first see me, or else they're scared of me. You were just scared of me at first but now we're friends, right?”

“Yeah, but my parents are different. I bet they'd try to have you exorcised. They more judgy than me, you know?”

Landon was silent for a moment. “Not really. What do you mean?”

“I mean that I actually enjoy your company!” Katherine hadn't meant to raise her voice at Landon, but she'd taken those words personally. Wasn't it obvious how much nicer she was than her parents? “But it ain’t a big deal long as we keep things like this. Let's just stick to phone calls, okay?”

“Let's just stick to phone calls, okay?” Landon had a habit of repeating Katherine’s words at random. When she’d asked about it, they shrugged and said it was just their way of thinking out loud. After a couple of moments they followed their mimicry up with, “And letting me come over when your parents aren't home?” They didn’t sound bothered by Katherine’s tone, which was a relief.

“Yeah, totally. Why don't we go back to talking about my book? I need to show you the cover art when I get the chance, because it's really good.”

Katherine and Landon's friendship carried on like that for a couple of more months. At some point she nearly forgot that Landon had suggested meeting her parents in the first place. If they still wanted to do it, they certainly didn't bring it up.

This time it was a Saturday evening, and Katherine's parents had gone out for a date. They weren't supposed to get back until after 10:00 PM, so Landon was hanging out with her in the living room. They were playing sound charades, in which Landon made a noise of their choice and Katherine had to guess what the source of the noise was. At first it was pretty easy: a galloping horse, shattering glass, her own father's laughter. But now they'd ratcheted up the difficulty and Katherine was struggling to figure out the answers.

Landon opened their mouth and high-pitched chirps poured out. They sounded like a bird, which felt deceptively simple, but Katherine couldn't think of anything else.

“Some kind of finch?”

“Nope!” Landon giggled and resumed chirping. For some godforsaken reason they hadn't taken off their boots, and Katherine could see bits of mud caked onto the soles. She wondered where exactly they went that got their shoes so dirty. Probably some kind of swamp with lots of frogs, since they loved those creatures so much.

Wait, frogs? That gave Katherine an idea. “A weird frog species?”

Landon bounced on their toes and clapped. “You got it! I was pretending to be a spring peeper! They really do sound like birds, right?”

Katherine grinned and patted herself on the back. “Yeah, they do. What's the next sound?”

Landon took a deep breath and bellowed out the call of a foghorn. The sound cut through the air and made Katherine's ears ache. They paused when they noticed her squeezing her eyes shut and covering her ears. “Was that too loud? Sorry.”

“Can you keep it below 80 decibels? Human ears kinda fragile and—” Katherine heard the sound of the front door unlocking and froze up. It was only 9:30; why were her parents here already? “They're back! Quick, hide!” Katherine shoved Landon into the TV and plopped down on the couch, then pried open her book and tried to make it look like she'd been reading the whole time.

Her parents looked on-edge when they entered the living room. “Tell me you heard that foghorn sound too, Kath. It came from the TV?” Her mother glanced at the blank screen.

“Yeah. I just turned it off 'cause it was so loud.”

“Wonder what was on. TV shows can be loud but they're not usually that obnoxious,” her father remarked. He turned the TV on and frowned at how it was currently displaying a baseball game.

Katherine tried to change the subject before they started asking more questions. “How come you guys came back so early? I thought you wasn’t supposed to be back home until after 10.”

“Traffic ended up being lighter than we thought it’d be. But really, what kind of baseball game has a foghorn like that? You sure it wasn't something else?”
Katherine jerkily nodded her head. “I don't know what else it could be.”
Her father pursed his lips. “I don't know either, but something ain't adding up. Bea and I could hear that noise perfectly from the driveway, like it was right next to us.”

“And it was very realistic, like we was right in the middle of the ocean when we heard it,” her mother added. “That ain’t… natural. Frank, you remember those jokes I made about old houses always being haunted? Looks like we'd better start planning another move, in case the ghost here gets tired of us!”

Katherine's parents laughed, but she couldn't help but feel a growing sense of dread. They were catching on worryingly quickly. And why did it feel like there was a growing wave of static noise in the air, like Landon was about to appear at any second?

“Actually, I'm not a ghost.” Landon's body wasn't visible, but their voice was clearly coming from the TV, a little fuzzy as always.

Mama and Pops whipped their heads towards the TV and stared. Katherine angrily shushed them, but they kept talking.

“I know to you guys I must seem like one, but ghosts are dead humans that look all fuzzy and see-through. I'm a demon, so I look like this.” Landon emerged from the TV, transforming from viscous goop into a human-ish form just like the day they'd met Katherine. They had the nerve to wave at her parents as if that'd calm them down. “Hi, I'm Landon.”

Katherine buried her face in her hands in embarrassment and helplessly listened to her parents scream their asses off. “Go away, Landon! I told you not to do this!”

“Well, what you said didn't make any sense. Besides, I didn't really want them thinking I'm a human,” Landon said casually. They turned to her parents and said, “I'm not feeding on any of you guys this time, so you don't have anything to worry about. I just figured I should answer any questions you have about me.” They grinned eagerly as always, ready to explain what they were made of or where they came from or, hopefully, what the hell their problem was.

Instead, Pops shouted, “Bea, you know what to do!” Mama ran upstairs, and Katherine knew she was fetching Pops’s pistol from their bedroom. “I don’t care if you’re Satan himself. Leave our baby girl the hell alone!”

Landon cocked their head. “You know, Katherine thought I was Satan at first, too. Why do humans worry about him so much?”

“That ain’t the focus! Mama getting the pistol, Landon! You gotta get out of here before they start shooting at you!” Katherine tried pushing Landon back into the TV again, but they didn’t budge. It was easy for her to forget because they didn’t show it off, but they really were a lot stronger than her. They scooped her up and set her down in the corner of the room, a few feet behind them, and turned to face Pops again.

“I’ll make sure they don’t shoot you, Kath,” they assured her, as if she was the target of her parents’ ire. “Anyway, I’m Katherine’s friend. You wanna know how we became friends, right? Right?”

Mama stormed back downstairs at that moment and tossed Pops the pistol. “I loaded it for you, honey!” Pops aimed at Landon’s chest and shot them three times without hesitation. The demon screeched, but it sounded exaggerated even for them, like they were making noise just for the sake of it.

Katherine crouched and ducked her head to avoid getting shot, but she didn’t hear metal piercing the wall. She was suddenly glad that she was behind Landon, because from her point of view it seemed like they were plunging a hand into their chest and pulling the bullets out. “You messed up my shirt! It took me forever to sew this one!” Landon turned its neck way too far to look at Katherine. “Why did your dad shoot me? Should I give him a gift to make him calm down? I have a few cool rocks in my pocket that he might like.”

“Don’t succumb to his temptations, Frank,” Mama urged. “More importantly, why is this disgusting thing talking with Katherine like he knows her?”

Landon looked down at their dirty boots, and Katherine just knew they'd missed the point again. She peeked between her fingers and admitted, “He ain’t as creepy as he looks, I promise! He’s just really confused and he ain’t figured out that he's not supposed to be here right now. Right, Landon?” She grit her teeth at them, a behavior she'd definitely gotten from her mother.

Landon's response was off as always. “No, not right. Your parents are scared but they’re also confused, so I’m gonna help them learn what’s going on.” Landon strode up to Pops, snatched the pistol, and pressed a smooth brown pebble into his hand. “This is one of my favorite rocks now because it has a nice texture, plus brown is my favorite color. Try rubbing it with your fingers and see if that helps you relax. Anyway, I'm a noise demon, so that's why I made that foghorn noise earlier. I forgot humans don't like loud noises like that. But Katherine told me anything below 80 decibels is okay, so—”

“I'm tired of your trickery! Get away from my husband and my daughter!” In a stunning display of ferocity, Mama tore off her silver cross necklace, yanked Landon down by the shoulder, and jammed the cross into their eye.

Landon clutched their eye and let out a painful, earsplitting wail that was much more genuine than that screech. They let the pistol clatter to the floor, and Pops grabbed it back. Black blood streamed through their fingers and dropped onto the hardwood floor. “What was that for? Holy things really hurt!”

“Mama, Pops, stop it already! Landon’s horrible at explaining things but we actually are friends! Just let me finish talking!” Katherine pulled Landon back and wedged herself between them and her parents. “You know my friend Aaron? That’s Landon’s middle name. We’ve known each other for months and he hasn’t hurt me. He’d rather rant about frogs and weird bugs he found.”

Pops sneered and aimed his pistol at Landon’s head this time. “Hasn’t hurt you? Then what was all that bull about feeding on us?”

“I bet he playing the long game,” Mama proposed. “Waiting until our baby lets her guard down, then stealing her soul the second he gets the chance!”

Katherine groaned. That was a Landon-ism she hadn't even caught; she was getting too used to their bullshit. “He feeds on emotions, not souls! All that does is make you tired for a while. See?” She offered Landon her wrist. “You can feed on me to demonstrate, okay? Just a little bit.”

Landon pulled the cross out of their eye with some effort and absorbed a bit of her fear, just enough to make her eyes flutter. The blood pouring down their face evaporated, and their eye rapidly repaired itself. “I was just about to explain all of that, just so you know, but thanks.”

Katherine rolled her eyes. “Explain, my ass! They obviously wouldn’t listen to you, anyway! You just got a cross in your eye and bullets in your chest!”

“Watch your tongue!” Mama scolded, further enraged by Katherine’s word choice.

“A demon just showed up out of nowhere and ruined our evening, and you’re worried about whether I’m cursing or not?!”

Landon grimaced. “What do you mean, ruin your evening? This is more or less how things are supposed to go. You’ve just been getting really upset even though I told you everything will be okay. Is this a different type of upset than usual? Do you want a hug?” Landon’s expression softened like they were considering that Katherine simply needed some physical contact to feel better, and they spread their arms for a hug.

Katherine pushed them away and screamed, “No, I don’t want one of your stupid hugs! I’m running out of ways to explain that there’s nothing normal about getting shot at! My parents want you dead! That’s really, really bad!”

Landon recoiled at that, hunching over a little more than usual and staring at Katherine with a look of pure hurt. “You keep saying this is bad, but I still don’t get it! You would’ve stuck a cross in my eye at one point too, and now look where you are! Aren’t you and your parents the same?”

“We obviously completely different people, and if you can’t see that you’re the slowest person I’ve ever met!”

Landon sniffled, and then they began sobbing: an echoing, dolorous sound that threatened to rip Katherine’s heart into pieces and make her cry too. But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t. She had to show Landon that she was fed up with the way they dismissed her warnings over and over again. So she crossed her arms, maintained her glare, and watched as they retreated into the TV screen, hopefully once and for all.

Mama and Pops gave Katherine a hug, and she didn’t try to escape this one. She was upset at them too, but at least their logic made more sense than Landon’s. “We’re proud of you for warding off Satan like that, Kat,” her mother soothed.
“But you’re still grounded. You’re learning how to resist him, but you’re still a little too attached. It’s time for us to fix that.”

Katherine just sighed. She didn’t care about what her punishment was, as long as it didn’t involve talking to Landon again.